In eighth grade, I watched a girl get sent to the hall because her shoulders were visible. Female runners at our school recently earned the right to wear tank tops to practice, while the boys have been running shirtless for years. At football games, boys wearing nothing but body paint on their chests ask girls in crop tops where their shirts are.

From an extremely young age, girls are taught to cover their bodies in a way that boys aren’t. Legs? Bad. Back? Bad. Shoulders? Somehow also bad.

When the girl was sent out of my eighth grade class to go get a jacket, my classmates and I asked our teacher why she would make her do that. We were told that her shoulders were a distraction.

At its core, this sentiment puts girls at fault for simply existing in their bodies. Of course there’s a certain level of coverage which everyone is expected to meet in the interest of not being crude, but telling a fourteen year old girl that she needs to cover an entirely non-sexual part of herself so that the boys around her won’t be distracted is extremely harmful.

Oh well. As long as we cover up nobody will have any issues, right? Wrong. That’s where this entire issue gets entirely more complex.

If you show too much of yourself you’ll be slutshamed, but show too little and you’ll be called a prude. So where’s the line between too much and too little? Who knows.

Society doesn’t make navigating this predicament easier at all, since girls are constantly being met with conflicting signals.

On one hand, if you so much as wear ripped jeans around the wrong crowd you might be asked where the rest of your pants are. On the other hand, a quick excursion to the nearest Spirit Halloween will leave you with the impression that maybe you shouldn’t wear pants at all.

Expanding on that, the difference between costumes designed for men and those for women is stark. Men get to be practical. They can be police officers, soldiers, and doctors. Women, on the other hand, have similar options with what looks to be about 75% less fabric.

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to wear these costumes (or “revealing” outfits in general) if that’s what makes you comfortable and confident. This is merely an obvious (and seasonal) illustration of the way women are often hypersexualized.

Perhaps the biggest facet of this issue is the fact that girls aren’t making things any easier on each other. While things have gotten better since the rise of the “girl’s girl” (a girl who strives to support and uplift the members of her gender), it’s no secret that the wrong outfit will still earn you a few nasty looks.

Girls’ habit of tearing each other down and mercilessly criticizing each other’s outfit choices seems (at least in my experience) to stem from a desire for male validation.

Girls who wear revealing clothes are perceived as a threat, and making fun of them is an attempt to make them look silly and ridiculous rather than attractive.

On the opposite side of the same coin, modest outfits are often referred to as “frumpy” and “unflattering”. Often, a conservative sense of style will earn you accusations of insecurity in your body, once again in an attempt to make you seem less attractive.

America Ferrera puts it perfectly in her monologue from the 2023 hit film Barbie.

“You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood,” Ferrera said.

So, in a situation where you can seemingly do no right, what do you do? The answer I’ve landed on is whatever you want. Obviously certain situations call for certain ways of dress, but I decide what to wear on a given day based on my comfortability, although it’s sometimes subject to parental veto.

Apart from working to make ourselves comfortable, we should endeavor to put others at ease too. At the end of the day, what someone else is wearing generally isn’t your business, so unless you’re going to compliment what someone is wearing, it may be best not to mention it. There’s certainly no need for snide comments or dirty looks.

With all this in mind, whether you’re opting for a turtleneck or a halter top, I say go for it. If people are going to be unhappy with you either way, you might as well be happy with yourself.