Caffeine Critic

Caffeine: I give it a 10/10


Crawling out of bed, exhausted from the relentless homework from the night before, I stumble, barely able to process the busy day I have ahead. I splash water on my face, yet my drowsiness persists. I wonder what can save me from this never-ending sleepiness. Then it hits me, I rush to grab my energy drink of choice. I crack open the beautiful refreshing can. I sip the cooling vibrant caffeinated wonder and feel the life rush back into my body.

Everyone loves energy drinks, which got me thinking: What is the best energy drink? Results from a student poll showed the top three go-to energy drinks are  Tropical Red Bull, Peach Vibe Celsius, and Ultra Zero (White) Monster. In the name of research, I tried them all. 

The Tropical Edition Red Bull glistened in its bright yellow can. I took a sip and felt an explosion of flavor. It tasted like a combination of mango and pineapple.  

The intensity of the Red Bull never failed, its consistent taste and bubbly charm made me enjoy every sip. This made Red Bull’s fantastic flavor stand out against Celcius and Monster as the strongest flavored drink of the three. 

With 114 mg of caffeine, the Red Bull felt refreshing. I felt motivated and awake until about five hours later when the caffeine effects disappeared. 

I was shocked that the energy wasn’t long-lasting with the Red Bull. Although the effects were disappointing, the flavor redeemed Red bull to secure second place in my ranking. When it comes to its rating, I give it a seven out of ten. 

The next drink to review was the Ultra White Monster. Its can was menacing with its ominous three-claw slash plastered on the front. When cracking open the can, I was appalled by its lack of carbonation.

 Reluctantly I took a sip and was disappointed with the abrupt taste of stale air. After searching for what flavor I was tasting, I realized an accurate description would be that of nasty, moldy oranges. 

The effect was disappointing too. With 150 mg of caffeine in this drink, I expected more. The Ultra White Monster was very weak, little to no effect was noted. What was noted was the migraine that followed due to the unpleasant taste that stained my mouth. 

Overall, I rated Monster a two out of ten. In comparison to its competitors, the Ultra White ranked a well-deserved last, claws and all. 

With its teal palm trees and hot pink text, the Peach Paradise Celsius had a palpable appearance. After opening the can, I was stunned by a bubbly peach taste. The drink tasted electric. 

With 200 mg of caffeine, I felt wide awake, refreshed, and ready to tackle the once-dreaded day ahead. Bring on the notes and numbers. 

As my day went forward I felt a consistent surge of energy. Was it the flavor, the long-lasting effect, the beautiful can, or all of the above?

Overall, Peach Vibe was consistent, had a distinct flavor, and the caffeine had a noticeable effect. I would rate the Peach Vibe Celsius a solid ten out of ten, placing it at number one.

Official results from this caffeine critic rank Ultra Zero (White) Monster dead last, Tropical Red Bull a solid second, and Peach Vibe Celsius as the first-place winner. I take my final sip of the cooling, vibrant, caffeinated, wonder. Headed into final reviews, projects, and papers it is good to know which can to grab. Celsius for me, please!